One Sentence Scouting Report: Golden Oldies Edition

Apparently, the Jays have signed Vladimir Guerrero to a minor league deal. In honour of this, I’ve decided to repost my One Sentence Scouting Report from December 23rd:

One Sentence Scouting Report: Vladimir Guerrero

Welcome to the inaugural One Sentence Scouting Report, where I scout Major League Baseball players using only one sentence!
Vladimir Guerrero: He can’t walk and he can’t walk.

Some Theories as to Why Adam Lind is Still a Blue Jay

  • They’ve discontinued his hat size (XXXXL, unbendable brim, low enough to hide the fact that his hair line is perilously close to his eyebrows)
  • Alex Anthopoulos is mesmerized by Lind’s dreamy eyes squint
  • Adam Lind has stumbled upon some rent control scheme and will be occupying the cleanup spot until he’s a feeble old man 
  • There’s got to be some unknown metric we’re ALL missing 
  • The air conditioning at Rogers Centre is broken and they need the gusts of wind provided by his numerous strikeouts to keep the stadium cool during the summer
  • The Jays have a warehouse full of #Lindsanity T-Shirts that they’re hoping one day become relevant (assist to Connor McGuire on this one…)
Feel free to add your own additions to this list in the comment section!

Jose Bautista’s Early Season Dominance

If you examine the stats, I mean relax your focus and stare at the stats until you see the image of a saiboat, you’ll see that Jose Bautista is having an utterly dominant season. Just think about it, if baseball is a game of failure, Bautista has truly mastered it. He’s failing at all facets of the game, offensively at least. If he could find a way to emulate Eric Thames in the outfield, he’d be a complete player. Well done, Jose!

A Theory About the Baltimore Orioles

So the Jays are in Baltimore tonight and last time they faced each other, the Orioles won 2 out of 3 games. I’m hoping that things turnout better this time around, but it also got me thinking. How is it even possible that Baltimore can have a winning record this late in the season? And I know the answer. It could be because I’ve recently watched The Wire in its entirety, but I’m convinced that the commissioner has influenced Baltimore’s front office to somehow juke the stats so that they come out looking like winners. It’s a classic case of short term thinking in the Charm City.

As an alternate theory, I’m pretty sure that detective McNulty is influencing Baltimore’s record, by changing the box score after the games are over, but that’s OK because he’s awesome…

Weekly Standings Check In: Alphabetical Edition

This week, we examine what happens if the standings were to be seeded alphabetically. The biggest losers are all the relocated and rebranded teams. Had Miami kept Florida as it’s region, it would have been in the top ten. Same with the Angels, who originally were known as the California Angels, would have been in the top five. And they would have been first overall had they kept Anaheim in their name instead of attempting to compete with the Dodgers for the hearts of Los Angeles. Speaking of the Dodgers, had they stayed in Brooklyn, they also would have been among the top teams in baseball. The biggest loser is the last place Washington Nationals, considering they would have been ahead of the New York Yankees had they stayed in Montreal.

Also, too bad for the Blue Jays. After all the hope the fans harboured for improvement this year, they end up 2nd last in the entire league. Next year, I anticipate we’ll see some teams moving to Albuquerque and Alaska…

Weekly Standings Check In: Wild Early Projection Edition

This is obviously going to be a record breaking season! The Dodgers are on pace to get 145 wins and the Rangers will be close behind with 130!  Too bad for the Padres though, they’re on pace for only 30 wins. 
Oooh, and it was so close, but the Orioles will win the East based on their head to head record against the Jays. And what a quick rebuild by the White Sox, getting the wild card after trading away Sergio Santos, Carlos Quentin and Ozzie Guillen? Some smart moves by Kenny Williams.
Wow! This year is exciting, too bad it’s over already…